names

Time for the stupidest post of every World Cup: the list of great names. Stupid, because the list always looks like it was chosen by a 12-year-old boy. Stupid, because its assumptions are U.S.-centric. But I do it, anyway.

The criteria for making the list? Well, I like names that don’t seem to fit the country. I don’t really know this, of course … that criteria is based on my ignorance about the world. I also like names that seem funny to my ears … this is the stupidest of all, really, people don’t choose their name based on what sounds right to someone from the USA (I know that “Steven Rubio” sounds silly to someone out there).

Australia: Aziz Behich, Miloš Degenek, Garang Kuol, Jamie Maclaren, Marco Tilio.

Brazil: Gabriel Jesus, Fred, Vinícius Júnior.

Canada: Sam Adekugbe, Milan Borjan.

Costa Rica: Jewison Bennette, Joel Campbell, Keylor Navas.

Denmark: Alexander Bah, Jonas Wind.

England: Bukayo Saka, Raheem Sterling, Kieran Trippier.

France: Kingsley Coman, Hugo Lloris, Steve Mandanda, Kylian Mbappé.

Japan: Daniel Schmidt.

Mexico: El Cachorro, Charly, Chucky, El Machín, Memo, Principito, Henry Martín.

Netherlands: Wout Weghorst.

Poland: Matty Cash.

Portugal: André Silva, António Silva, Bernardo Silva. João Cancelo, João Félix, João Mário, João Palhinha.

Qatar: Ró-Ró.

Senegal: Alfred Gomis, Nicolas Jackson.

South Korea: Kim Jin-su, Kim Min-jae, Kim Moon-hwan, Kim Seung-gyu, Kim Tae-hwan, Kim Young-gwon.

Serbia: Grujić, Kostić, Lukić, Maksimović, Milenković, the Milinković-Savić brothers (Sergej and Vanja), Mitrović, Pavlović, Tadić, Veljković, Vlahović, Živković, Nemanja Gudelj.

Spain: Gavi, Koke, Pedri, Rodri.

Switzerland: Xherdan Shaqiri, Djibril Sow, Ruben Vargas, Granit Xhaka.

Tunisia: Dylan Bronn.

United States: Sergiño Dest, Yunus Musah.

Uruguay: José Giménez.