Who’s been visiting lately? (I was watching Plan 9 From Outer Space last night … one of the many classic lines is when the Colonel says “Visits? That would indicate visitors.”)
Someone from Latvia was searching for “smiling is good,” which doesn’t seem to be the kind of thing you’d find here, but Google sent them to my post about the immortal Berkeley legend, Mr. Charles, the Waving Man, who always said “Keep smiling, and have a GOOD day!” Another surprising search phrase is “considerate of others.” A visitor from Utah was looking for that … if you type it into Google, the first hit is something I wrote about Glenn Dickey picking on a Cal basketball player I knew. The wonders of Google never end … did you know before today that I am the go-to guy for smiling and being considerate? As the conversation went in Plan 9: “This is the most fantastic story I've ever heard.” “And every word of it's true, too.” “That's the fantastic part of it!”
Among the other delightful search phrases that led people to my blog: “justin taylor brian kinney how about marrying me” (Queer As Folk will never die); “how depressed r u” (so depressed I can’t bring myself to type entire words); “fm 2007 demo crack” (they don’t mean Football Manager 2007 is like crack, although it is); “kidney stones what can i eat” (a subject after my own heart); “24 kim bauer stupid” (duh); “alison krauss cleavage” (I think she’s a beautiful singer, and pretty damn cute, too, but even I, who looks at all women’s bosoms, don’t recall checking out Alison’s); and “mrs. kitty cat e-40” (this must be someone I know).
And now, the most popular segment of “Today’s Interesting Stats,” a look at who people want to see naked, based on the searches that bring them to my site. Here we go:
Tricia Helfer, Milton Berle’s penis (of course), Polly Walker, Meredith Baxter’s huge tits, Jennifer Connolly, Gale Harold, Henry Simmons, Robin Weigert, Adrienne Barbeau, Peggy Lipton, Mimi Rogers, The L Word, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Susan Hendricks, Christina Hendricks (they want to know if her boobs are real or fake), Kristin Proctor, Michael Ballack, Helen Mirren (that was probably me), and Scarlett Johansson (OK, they didn’t want to see her nude, they wanted “vital statistics size breast”).
The Visitor of the Day … let’s call them Visitors of the Day, since these two are so similar. One is the person from Brockton, Massachusetts, who was searching for “erect chimp penis photo.” The other was someone from San Dimas, California looking for “reflexology for stretched vaginas.” Believe it or not, if you type that phrase into the Yahoo search engine, the first-listed hit is my blog.
I leave you with one last excerpt from Plan 9:
Wife: I've never seen you in this mood before.
Husband: I guess that's because I've never been in this mood before.