the end
me without you (sandra goldbacher, 2001)

ok, another one Chris should avoid

Some A's fan named Catherine Howard appears to have a regular column on the SFGate website, where the following recently appeared. It's an anti-Giants screed, noteworthy only because unlike most of these items, which are filled with venom, this one tries for humor. At one point, Howard asks, "What's the matter with Giants fans..? THEY CAN'T HECKLE!"

So let me practice my heckling skills.

I hope the A's move far away from Oakland, breaking the hearts of pieces of shit like Catherine Howard. I enjoy the benefits of having two great teams in my backyard, but I will happily give up that enjoyment for the greater enjoyment of seeing A's fans miserable for the rest of their lives because their team left. In the 21st century, there are no fans I dislike more than Oakland A's fans; their misery will be my pleasure.

There are plenty of reasons to hate A's fans, but this perhaps sums it up: they want our hatred, because they hate us. Evidence? Well, I don't know more than one or two A's fan who rooted for the Giants in the 2002 World Series ... they all cheered for the team from SoCal, because they hate us. Conversely, I don't know a single Giants fan who rooted for L.A. in '88 against Oakland. A's fans, lacking any real rivalries, have decided to adopt us as their enemies ... this despite the fact that the tenuous nature of their franchise as a long-term resident of the Bay Area would suggest they should be making as many friends amongst local fans as possible ... they hate Bonds, they hate KNBR, they hate the Chronicle, they hate Pac Bell Park, they hate Giants fans, they are, in short, a bunch of haters who don't deserve the memory of their many championships. I can tell you this: if the Giants ever won a World Series, their fans would treasure it forever. But A's fans only seem happy with their titles because they can use them in arguments and bar fights. They have a great team, a great history, some of the most amazing players of all time ... and all they do is hate on the Giants and their fans. So fuck them, I hope they lose their team. They won't care, since they'll still have the Giants to hate, and that's how they participate in baseball, anyway: as haters. I doubt they'd even notice the A's left, as long as they could complain about Pac Bell Park.

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